Friday had some difficult moments: 1. I met with my oncologist and learned that I have three more rounds of treatment (earlier it was suggested that this next round could be the last), and 2. I received a phone message letting me know my blood counts were too low to proceed with this next round of chemo (in a nutshell low blood counts can result in infections and complications). Needless to say I was feeling a bit down. Honestly, while I know I can’t rush this, I’m ready for it to be over already.
Fortunately I had a weekend of restorative yoga planned and this turned out to be an absolute blessing. Through the restorative poses I realized my body had given me somewhat of a gift. Not only had it sent a clear signal to say that it couldn’t handle another dose of medicine right now and needed time to recover, it was also offering a new time for chemo treatments to occur.
To date my chemo treatments – which are on a 28 day cycle – have always coincided with the full moon, and I’ve often wondered how this affects my ability to process the chemotherapy and heal: Following treatment, are my intense feelings of loneliness and vulnerability and my inability to sleep related to the full moon, the chemo itself, or something else? Given the intertwined relationship between chemo and the full moon I’ve had difficulty even beginning to answer this question. Yet with my chemo dates pushed back a week, I now have an opportunity to see if my body responds any differently. And while the cycles of the moon may or may not change I how I feel/respond, I am deeply grateful to my body for allowing me to explore this subtlety. Thank you for showing me the way.