Monday – my first day of chemo – is rapidly approaching, and I am nearly ready (or as ready as I will ever be). My hair is cut, I’m making my way through the to-do list (e.g. cleaning, stocking the fridge, taxes etc.), I’ve tattooed a deer on my left forearm to remind me of my strength, and most importantly I have an INCREDIBLE network of friends and family alongside. I’m nearly ready… or at least prepared.
Yet, as I take this next step into the unknown, I feel uncomfortable and uneasy about “fighting” or “beating” cancer. This cancer – these abnormally dividing cells – are part of me, and I do not want to be at battle with myself. I’ve spent too many years beating myself up, and I want it to stop. Instead, I want to accept and embrace all of the parts of myself, including the cancer that grows inside me.
And so, as I take this next step forward, I’m choosing to put down my weapons and disarm. Instead, I am bringing gifts of love, kindness, and acceptance to befriend my cancer. I realize this approach may be difficult at times, yet I need and want to try. In fact, I’m not prepared to walk this stage of the journey any other way.
I love you!